Part 1 of 4. Life in the Post's NBA Preview Spectacle.

We start things off with none other than Point23, the man that got me into blogging. He does some nice work over there. Get ready for the UNC slurping to start soon though. He was my college teammate/roomate for many, many years. Here are his uncensored thoughts on the upcoming NBA season.

East

Atlantic - Freakin' New Jersey. Damnit. I hate New Jersey. They have four good players though. Anyone else in the division have four? Three? No? OK, moving on...One question, though: why is Jason Kidd good? He always has these triple-doubles, but he can't really shoot and he is just grabbing long rebounds for the rebounds. Most of his assists are just lobs. I think he's made a career out of playing with good jumpers. I really believe that.


Central - Cleveland. I don't know what I'm more excited about: watching the ascent of the Cavs or the demise of the Pistons. Probably the Cavs, but it's close. Closer than it should be.

Southeast - Washington or Miami? Obviously, Miami is better. But Shaq will play himself into shape again this season, and he's probably content as all hell and he might way 400 pounds. Seriously. Still, it's Dwyane Wade. Part of the Holy Trinity of the New Golden Age. He'll get it done.

West

Northwest - Good God, this division is awful. The Northwest is the poster child for the elimination of divisions all together. Melo has the regular season heriocs down pat, though. As long as K-Mart doesn't lose his mind again, the Nugs should wrap the division up one more time. Of course, K-Mart (worst nickname ever, by the way...whatever happened to the cool nicknames?) could very well go nuts, Nene's knee could crumble again, Reggie Evans could grab everyone's nuts in the locker room, and the Nuggets could win nine games. I believe in Melo, though.

Pacific - Can you put any five or six fast, athletic guys around Steve Nash and he'll make them good? I think so. If Sacto would have hung onto Bonzi Wells, I would have picked them to win this divsion, but Amare's retrun is just too much. You can't account for playing against that fast break style in the regular season. They get 15 wins alone just because teams go from playing the Jazz and Warriors to playing them. Its like jumping from a whirlpoop into the regular pool. By the time you're adjusted, odds are you peed yourself.

Southwest - Another reason divisions are freakin' stupid: the Northwest had one team in the playoffs last year, and the Southwest could concievably get all five teams in this season. OK, they won't but would you be stunned if San Antonio made the playoffs? No. How bout Dallas? No. Or Memphis? No. Would you be stunned if the NOOCH snuck in as an 8-seed? No. And what if T-Mac stays healthy, and Yao Ming and Bonzi Wells and Shane Battier all get the Rockets into the playoffs? That's a damn good lineup. Plus, it looks like McGrady has some stability in his life now (or at least some nice boobies). That said, SA is just too good and too smart. They'll play in the toughest division and have the most wins in the L. They're that good.

Conference Champs
East - Cleveland. Yezzir.
West - San Antonio. The Spurs will have the most wins in the NBA. That gives them the one seed. That means Dallas and Pheonix will be the 2 and 3 seeds. Having to knock off two of those three is just to hard in back to back weeks.

NBA Champs - Spurs in 6. Although I'm whole-heartedly cheering against this. Nothing would make me happier than Cleveland winning here. Or the Suns. Or Mavs. Yea, that'd be great. This whole season will be cheering against the inevitbale. I can't wait.

MVP - Bron Bron. Just witness.

ROY - Renaldo Balkman...just kidding. In all seriousness, the ROY this year has to be JJ Redick. Ha. Gotcha again. To be honest, I think this draft class sucks. Did you ever look back at like the '94 Draft , for example? Or '97? That's what the '06 Draft is gonna be like in 10 years - one or two names and a bunch of "What the hell were they thinking?" picks. I thought Brandon Roy was the best player in the draft, though, so I'll give him the nod in the ROY Department.

Most Improved - Does Amare count? There's alotta talk about him never being the same as he once was, but I'm not buying it. He's gonna be a monster. If not STAT, then I'll give it to Stephon Marbury. Isiah is going to let him do whatever the hell he wants, which is the only way Marbury can be successful. The Knicks might even sneak into the playoffs, which will only help Starbury's case. But deep down, he'll be the exact same player he was a year ago (and his whole career for that matter).

Coach of the Year - Jeff Van Gundy. The Rockets will go from 34 wins to 49. That's good enough for COY honors. Unless Pat Riley has this Van Gundy secretly killed, too. That could happen.

6th Man - Who's the first guy off the bench for Pheonix this year? I'll take him. (I'm giving you Raja Bell, just becasue.)

Defensive POY - Ben Wallace. Yawn, Who freaking cares. Ben Wallace makes me not like the Bulls anymore, which is sad.

Scoring Leader - LeBron. 30.1 (And I'd like to go on record that he could average a triple-double if he wanted to.)

Biggest Team Cancer - Is this even a question? Stephen Jackson is effin' crazy. The Pacers are openly cheering for him to go to jail, just so they don't have to deal with him. Well, what happens when psycho isn't convicted (honestly, is anyone ever convicted?) and then returns to the organization that was unabashedly rooting for his incarceration? Something tells me Mr. Jackson might feel a tad, oh, mizundastood, and start poppin' off at the mouth. From there, its all downhill. I mean, this guy regularly carries a concealed weapon. Does he take it everywhere with him? Does he have it in the locker room? We might have our first even in-arena gun accident. If I was a ball boy for the Pacers, I'd be scared out of my freakin' mind, becuase you know something little will set Jackson off. "Where's my fluffy towel! Where the fuck is it! Fuck it, where's my gat?!"

Most Shocking Season Headline - "Sebestain Telfair had Fabulous Shot." Amazingly, I didn't even have to make that up. Can you believe that shit? That's something you'd see on Law & Order and be like "Nice try to be relevant, L&O, but that'd never happen." Honestly, I can't even think of something the NBA hasn't already done in real life. Maybe "Shaq poses for Play Girl; One-Inch Penis Confirmed." Or, "Don Nelson Fails Breathalyzer at Half Time." How about "Steve Francis Catches Cuttino Cheating on Him."
Biggest Name that is Traded - KG. Pull the freakin' trigger, McHale. It's over, all right? Send the Big Ticket to a contender, get a few draft picks and some young talent, and build something. I know everyone and their brother has been has been demanding KG be traded to the Bulls, but it seems like the two teams are just built for each other. Why wouldn't the Bulls send Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Mike Sweetney and next year's draft pick to the Bulls for KG? Chicago doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting past the second round with that current team; KG makes them NBA Finalists. And now Minny has some sweet young guys to build around and at least they'd be exciting. Just do it McHale. Or trade him to the Lakers for their entire roster, minus KB24. Man, can you imagine KG and KB? I bet they would win some games. Maybe even alot of them.

Best Offseason Pick Up - Not Ben Wallace. He's good for exactly one more win, if that. How about Vlad Rad signing with the Lake Show? I am absolutely petrified of the Lakers this season. All Kobe needs around him are capable players. They don't even need to be good; just put some guys around him who won't fuck up. The more decent players Kobe has, the better the Lakers are. Adding even one more guy who isn't a total disgrace and the Lakers might win it all. I love Mike James, though. Him and KG could get frisky in Minny. Can't tell you how heartbroken I was when the Cavs didn't sign him. Mike James!

Anything else you want the world to know....

I would like the world to know that I am an unofficial member of Our Family.